Why a Marathon?

So I have been thinking a lot about this whole marathon thing lately. As in, I have been thinking about how to do it and why to do it. Some people are excited for me but think we're crazy, others comment that they wish they could do something like that, while a few others wonder what in the world could have possessed us to do such a thing. Depending on the time of day or way I'm feeling, I can have any of those same feelings.

I began to wonder why this is important to me, why completing a marathon is a goal that I have (and have had as long as I can remember, post-college, anyway). And it came to me, I want to run a marathon because it really doesn't matter how good I am at it. A long time ago (or at least it feels that way) I was in a place in life where I felt that I had to be athletic to be accepted. Two of the men in my life were and are serious athletes. I still can't believe what my Dad's 62 year old body can do. Mine can't do some of the things he can. Sadly, I was not blessed with a particularly athletic gene pool. At least not for the sports that I was trying. But I never gave up, I kept trying.

And then I discovered that when you grow up and become an adult, you compete against yourself, for yourself, to see what you are capable of. It doesn't matter now if I can make the most free throws (which I never could) or if I can serve the ball overhand (which I never have been able to master). I just have to try. I just have to not quit.

Which sounds so easy.

We all live in a time where we are not always encouraged to do the hard thing, to take it easy, that life doesn't have to be a struggle. I know that in my life, I don't grow when I take the easy way out.

All of these things come together to form my basis for why. People who run marathons aren't all perfect runners or even perfect athletes. Some take a long time to complete the distance. For some it is hard. For all it requires perseverance. But it is not a race of me against all those others.

Marathon Momma

Do I dare even type this post? Do I put into words the goals I have made for myself? Do I tell you what I want to do? Yes, even though you're going to think I am crazy, I'll tell you!

Starting on Monday (June 1) I begin training for my first marathon--The Grand Rapids Marathon on Sunday, October 18. I have found a beginner's 20 week training schedule and while I know that this is going to take commitment and at times, it will suck, I think I can do it! How? Well, my running partner for two runs a week will be my best friend--Eric and I are going to run together with a goal of training and then completing this together. It doesn't matter how fast we do it or even if we have to stop and take breaks, but just that we did it. I am super excited. The other way that I know this can be done is because we are putting our money where our mouth is--to train together we are committing babysitting money towards our weekly long runs and I even have a tentative yes from our babysitter. The other run we do together will be only Yoli's day so she will watch the kids while we do a few miles. The other two days Eric and I are on our own (and I already have a 2x/week trip to the gym). I feel as though I have planned this well.

BUT (notice it's a big but) I doubt my ability to do this. I'm a great starter and planner, lousy follow-througher.  I'm great with goals, but also a little hard on myself if I fall through. I ask myself all sorts of random questions. Like, I know I'm strong (I've delivered three kids and completed most of a triathlon), but am I strong enough for this? Can my body do this? Will I have enough energy to run and then also complete the normal tasks of my everyday life? Can I get past this "high" of planning it and on to the reality of doing it? Do I really want to work this hard? It's not an easy task, but is it worth it? Really, I am a quitter, but can I not quit on this one? Do I really want to run for 4 hours (at my running pace today, I could complete a full marathon in 4:20)? Am I nuts? 

I'm not asking these questions to get a giant pat on the back (although that would be nice) but because I want people to know, to ask how its going, to encourage me, to hold me accountable,  to maybe even volunteer for some childcare duty so it doesn't cost so much. 

As part of my training, I think I am going to post recaps of weeks of training. It will give me something to look at encourage me, but also a record of what I've done and a reminder of where I am going. Starting Monday, I'm running 4 days a week (next week 11 miles--not much for some, but it seems a lot for me!) 

Hey anyone want to join me? 

On Carts and Falling

Today was a difficult day for me, mostly in that it was a reminder how of precious my kids are to me. I am emotionally drained and exhausted, but felt that I should write this down before I forget the urgency of how I feel.

Today started great. After a disaster at the fabric store yesterday where J & K pulled the shopping cart over onto themselves as I was choosing patterns, I went back with just the girls. It was great, they were respectful and obedient and patient. 

Until, as we were leaving the store they both flipped out of the shopping cart and fell onto the backs of their heads (yeah, I know, I should be nominated for mother of the year!) After getting them calmed down, which took about 10 minutes, I thought things were going to be fine, but then OG starting to be really sleepy, wouldn't talk or make eye contact, wouldn't eat any lunch or notice the hub-bub around her, and kept complaining about her head hurting. When Eric put her in the car, within seconds, she was asleep. 

We decided to take her to the ER, becuase we are all too aware of how simple bumps can be much more life-threatening than first glance and becuase her behavior was very worrying. Even Eric was a bit scared. 

To make a long story short, she slept in the car all the way to the ER and perked up by the time she left triage. By the time that I got there after dropping K off at school, she was just peachy. (little turkey)

Honestly, I cried from the time I dropped K off at school until I reached OG's room. Its a horrible feeling, without control, full of fear, to think that great harm could have happened to your child. And to think that I was the responsible one, I still grimace at the thought. And I have complete trust in the plan God has for her and all my kids, I just don't know how I could continue to live a life if God felt it was time for one of the to go Home to him. And while these are uncomfortable and saddening things to think--they are real and honest and there are many parents who live in that reality. 

Now, I am grateful and thankful that it is just a minor head injury (but even that sounds horrible) and all we have to do is to try to keep her from hitting her head again for the next week or so (but even the doctor acknowledges that she is 2 and some doctor's orders are just hard to follow and we can't have her live in a bubble with a helmet). But I was reminded in a way that I never wanted about the fragility of my kids lives and how wonderful every single day that I get with each one of them is. 

I am thankful that God is both Jehovah Rapha (the God who heals) and Jehovah Jirah (The God who provides). He is the Great physician who kept my baby's head okay and will watch over her every moment. And he is the God who loves me in spite of my failings, too. 

About Mother's Day

So I was having some thoughts about Mother's Day and wanted to share them. 

First, it is an awesome privilege to be a mom. No matter how it is that a woman came to be a mom, it is a journey--it is filled with lots of emotion and growth, but I know I am a better person because of my kids. 

Second, it is an awesome responsibility to be a mom. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with how responsible I am for my three little people. I know that how I love and what I teach will shape the way that they see the world, the way they function within it, how they see God and his love, what they look for in friends and in spouses, how they will themselves eventually parent someday. And its not that I am being too hard  on myself, I am just merely counting what is at stake. And I am overwhelmed by it, but at the same time I have great peace because I know that God holds me and mine in His hand and that regardless of how I parent or what happens to our family, God can and will use my kids for His will and Kingdom. 

And now, some of my favorite moments from yesterday, Mother's Day (which I am petitioning to become a quarterly holiday instead of just annual).

• I was woken up by three sweet voices giving me kisses on the cheeks wishing me Happy Mother's day (and a cup of perfectly done coffee!)
• Eric made me a fantastic breakfast, which I think he should do more often! 
• I was presented with a hand painted outing bag--it's super cute and will be very useful.
• I think that the stated goal at church yesterday was to see if they could get me to cry. It worked. 
• I got to take a 9 mile bike ride that was great--with the exception of the wind always in my face and the fresh smells from the few cow farms. 
• J got his first fish, the pride on his face was worth a thousand pictures. 
• OG took a nap on "my belly button"
• After some caffeine and motrin for my nasty headache, I had a nice time hanging with the in-laws. 
• This morning, K and I laid in bed together and then she let me put her hair into a practice bun for her dance recital. 
• Beyond the shadow of any doubt, I know that I am loved. Deeply.

Just Coincidence?

I don't think so!

Today I was at Schuler's browsing the discount section and what should I come across but this:
for the bargain basement price of $4.99. A quick glance inside found that she is an Amazon goddess and seeks to overcome war with love. Lots of Greek mythology.

Hmmmm

Was it simply a coincidence or a slightly deeper message?

Of Dinosaurs and Creation

As I knew that would happen with the prospect of homeschooling, I knew that there would be topics that I would need to discuss and teach my kids that would require a firm stance, a way of believing and also a way of teaching that could rile some people but also prepare my kids for real questions that they might encounter. I just didn't think that it would happen this soon.

Here are my two examples:

First, dinosaurs. Frankly, J loves 'em. Can't get enough of looking at books and pictures of the things. Is even starting to be brave enough to visit some museums that have skeletons (although they are still pretty big and scary.) In my opinion this is one time that I am glad that he can't read, because I am not ready to explain all this stuff.

But here's how I stand on all of that. First, I believe that there really were dinosaurs. I have seen their bone in rock and fully believe that God created them. I fully believe that God created this world with his Hand. It is a beautiful creation and I am thankful for that. But what I don't know is the history of that creation. We have been given a story that explains it to us in Genesis, but I am not convinced that it is a literal telling of God's creative acts for a few reasons. First, the earth is old. Rocks and mountains and valleys and oceans--they are old. How old? I can't answer that. Second, It is mentioned in the New Testament that God's understanding of time is vastly different than our very limited human one.

(You know the old joke, a man asks God what a million dollars is worth. God replies, "a penny." Man then asks, how long is a million years? God answers, "a minute." Man asks, thoughtfully, "can I have a penny?" God answers with a smile, "in a minute.")

But I have a very hard time swallowing the years that are given for approximate lifetimes of said dinosaurs. 350 million years is just a conceptually tough thing for me. And there are lots of things that we don't know--so it just seems like wallowing in the unknown. But I am not sure how quite to explain all of that that is God honoring, not stupid-ifying, and comprehendable to the kids. Thankfully, I haven't had the questions yet.

The second example of something I have encountered that I wasn't prepared for is:

Popular "Greenism" I don't know if this is what it should be called, but you all know exactly what I am talking about. My kids have heard some pretty harmless stuff (that I have supervised and know about) that comes from an environmentalist perspective. I thought it was all okay until one of them said to me. "Mommy, we can't chop down any trees or else we will all die." This raised serious alarms for me.

In all things I want our attitudes, actions and reactions to be God honoring. But I don't think this is it. I have long been thinking about what a Godly approach to our environment should be and the other night my dad helped me hit it on the head. The environmentalist thought thinks, "We are harming the world. We need to save it." While yes, humanity has done great damage to God's gifts to us, I can't find anything scripturally that calls us to save the world. Instead we are called to be carers, responsible stewards, this theme is repeated in a few places that I can thing of. While some actions may be the same, the thought process behind the actions has shifted signifigantly.

An aside: if we begin to think of the world and our corporate Christian responsibility to be stewardly of all God's resources to us, it is a shame that it is scientists leading us towards these thoughts and not the churches.

So, I have been started to think seriously about how to begin to shift the kid's thoughts on God's creation, so they aren't caught up in the consumerism (and built in panic and fear) of it, but instead in the stewardship and responsibility of living fully as God's redeemed people who honor Him and reflect His love on the whole world. I haven't yet come up with any great ideas, but I will be sure to let you know when I do.

Can't I Be Wonder Woman? Just for the day?

That's what I want to know--please, just for the day, make me the kind of woman who really can do everything--clean the house, take care of the garden, play and engage the kids in ways that encourage them, prepare fantastic food that everyone loves, love on my husband, take the needed time to be still before my Creator, build relationships with other people, learn a few new things, do a hobby or craft that encourages me and perhaps even relax a little. That's all I'm asking!

Oh, and I'd like to have enough patience to not yell at the kids for an entire day.

Am I asking too much? Of course I am.

I am on my way though, I can know things that I don't even see--like, J has just slammed the door to keep OG out of the room or is sneaking some food. (There are some talents that just come with being a mom--like the whole eyes in the back of the head. Yep, I've got them!)

And then, even though I know that I am asking too much, I still feel guilty about all the things that I never accomplish in a say, let alone a week.

But then I stop and think truly about this request and I realize that really I don't want to be Wonder Woman, I don't look that good those boots and don't have piercing blue eyes. So I guess that I will settle for being me--fuzzy, gray flyaways, semi clean clothes, house littered with books and dust bunnies--and full of God's grace and love.