Becoming less childish and more Child-like

Sometimes I feel like such a fool. Like these past two weeks as I have been worrying about money and provision which I cannot control. And trying to hand out my ideas of what to do, how to fix, how to provide. As I listen to myself I feel like I sound a bit like a whiny teenager, maybe even childish in my plans.

It's a bit embarrassing to admit.

And then, while I was madly cleaning our house yesterday, I stumbled upon OG's book from school--the preschool one that has pictures of her family, her self portrait, her fingerprint, pictures of heaven (a blue blob), and the baby Jesus. I was paging through it, not taking much note of anything extraordinary, until I stumbled upon her last page. A picture of what her family looks like that she drew/painted at the end of the school year, about 4 weeks ago.

Notice, my 4-year-old has complete confidence in what we desire--so much so that her new brother and sister are already a part of our family. See, her new brother is hiding behond a bush (on the left) and her new sister is not shy (on the far right). This picture stops me in my tracks. It brings tears to me eyes. It reminds me to have faith like a child: a beautiful-not-doubting-not-worrying kind of faith. The faith that believes that God said there will be two more in our family.

That's my goal: to be less childish and more child-like with the hopes that as time passes I become more Christ-like. 

To end tonight, I want to give to you a gift that God gave us. A music video by Third Day. In it we see a picture of what our family could look like one day, but also a clear visual image of the fact that every single one of us has been adopted by our great God, the one true God.



We are the saints, we are the children,

we've been redeemed, we've been forgiven,

we are the sons & daughters of our God.

The Continuing Journey, and God's Provision

This past week has certainly been an interesting week. If you know me, you know that I do not handle stress that well and last week was full of it. There were two ear infections, adoption education, homeschool cirriculum fairs, meetings, a quick trip to chicago, bathroom work, and the rest of life as we know it.

And the most stressful thing: Eric & I took a long, hard look at our finances as we continue to refinish our bathroom and pursue this adoption. We are working hard to pay for everything with cash. We don't want to take loans to finance any of this. Knowing this, we realized a hard truth. We will not have enough money to do both of these things.

And this, to me, is a paralyzing realization.

There are things I know about God's provision, things I trust about this call to adopt and following the heart of God. But then, right now, there are many things I don't know about how it is all going to happen. In this past week I was very discouraged. The question I kept (and still keep) asking is: HOW? How will we pay for it all? How will we have the money for our first adoption payment? How will the timing work out? How can we cut our budget to make enough room?

We still don't have answers, but we have seen bits of provision: bathroom cabinetry at a fabulous discount, the gift of swimming lessons for the kids, coming in under budget at the grocery store and farmer's market.

And we will start fundraising. Our first big payment to the adoption agency is $6,000 and we believe it will come due in about 2-3 months. So, to get there we are planning a garage sale (july 8&9--we're accepting donations of your stuff!) and we will have a backyard barbeque/pig roast. I am also working on creating something to sell--produce bags. More on that to come.

To help all of us visualize where we are in the fundraising process, I am going to add a fundraising thermometer to this site, so we can all track God's provision & faithfulness and the deep love of others.

We value your offers to help in any way, and we covet your prayers.

163,000,000-2 = 7

Today's thoughts are deeply personal, but I need to share them. I may stumble over my words and not have the right words for everything, but I ask that you read with an open heart and try to hear mine.

Right now, as I write this there are an estimated 163 million orphans in the world.

163,000,000 kids without a mom or dad to take care of them.

Think about that for a moment.

They can be found in every single country in the world. The United States, throughout the continent of Africa, in increasing numbers in Asia and the former Soviet bloc countries. In the poor slums in of South and Central America, in foster and group homes in the United States, in orphanages everywhere.

They are orphans for many different reasons. Some reasons have to do with disease: HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis, Malaria. Some have to do with armed conflicts that have stolen parents from kids who need them. Some have to do with cultural norms that doom a child who is not recognized by his father. Some are because law in a country forbids multiple children. Some are because of poverty, substance abuse, and an inability to parent in the face of great difficulty.

Over the span of many years, God has been breaking my heart: for the broken, for the lonely, for the motherless. Then over this past year, I read the history books of the Old Testament in conjunction with my kid's history studies. What I found was fascinating, challenging, eye-opening. One thing: God cares deeply about the plight of the orphan and the widow. Deeply. And I began to know that it was time to act. To put movement on my feet and action to my hands and act out this love.

Now there are actually a myriad of ways to act for those 163 million orphans. That number of orphans indicates that there are huge, monumental problems that countries, the world, God's church need to address and work together to solve.

But for me and our family: our call to action is to bring two orphans into our home, our family. To be a family that is united by marriage, by birth, and by adoption.

Why? Because God loves me. He took me into his family though I was sitting in a corner dying in my sin.

Eric & I have walked separate journeys to come to this place. I have had to realize that I am called to be a mother, not resigned to it. Obviously, Eric didn't need to go to that place, but we both had to be moved by God to acknowledge his will, his provision, and then to act upon it.

Together, our family has just started a long road. It will probably be a while before we have a referral and even longer to travel to pick up our kids. We have a lot to learn between now and then: lessons about grace and provision, how we parent, how we are as a family, the importance & place each person has in our family and how to balance everything. Oh, don't worry, our eyes are wide open as to the positives and negatives associated with adoption. We have seen both the beautiful and the heart-breaking.

But you know what? We've actually started! And we're excited. And a teeny bit freaked out. Somewhere out there, there are two kids (or one if that's what God wants) that are meant for this family. Crazy to understand and even harder to imagine.

163,000,000-2.

It's not much, but it's a start.
 

"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come for you."

John 14:18

The Bathroom Update

Oh, I wish I had more to tell you. Like 'the bathroom is done.'

But alas, at this point almost 2 weeks after a drip of water fell on my head--well, we have almost finished a complete demolition of our bathroom. The only thing left to do on the demo is to remove the floor.

Highlights of the process so far:

• On Saturday Eric took a ton of rubble to the dump. A real TON--2,000 pounds of plaster, lathe, paint, tile and mortar. From a 6 x 9 bathroom. Seriously, our house is solidly built. We marvel at the men who built our house in the 1920's--the time and materials it took, the skill needed to do a quality job.
• Our friend Terrance came over on Friday night and helped to remove the remaining walls, closet-thing, and the tub. The best part of that night was Eric and T throwing the steel tub off the side of the house while our sweet elderly neighbor watched. There's never a dull moment at the Beuker house!

   

What's next?
Hopefully we can get the floor up quick--because we really can't do any sort of planning on the room until we talk with our plumber and see how/if we can move things and how much it will cost. I have been told a few times that moving plumbing lines is easy, moving refuse lines is not.

Between now and then?
Well, there is a layer of dust that covers my whole house. So if you're coming over, you will be able to write your name on the top of my piano, window frames, fish tank and mantle.
I'm going to try to refrain from pacing the house, muttering incoherently, and pulling my hair out remain calm. Some days are better than others. This bathroom project is already driving me nuts!

We take any and all volunteers. Anytime.
Really.

It Starts with a Drip of Water

Sunday morning I was standing in my kitchen making coffee when a couple drips of water fell onto my head.

This not a totally unexpected development in our house. Our plumber had already fixed a leak coming from the soap dish in the shower a couple of times, but had warned us that this would continue to be a problem until we redid the bathroom. Over the course of time our house has settled and caused our bathtub to become un-level. The leak will continue to worsen until we can fix it (by leveling the tub). Personally, any leak that affects two rooms is bad enough already. Add to this the fact that we have some growth on the ceiling that we haven't been able to kill, probably a good deal of rotted, wet wood behind the bathtub tile and that we just don't like the ugly tile floor.

So after a consult with our plumber about the issue, we decided it was just time.
 

And now our upstairs (and main bathroom) looks like this:



We are demolishing the bathroom all the way back to studs. We are removing the tile walls and floor, plaster walls and ceiling. This bathroom has not been renovated since it was built, so under that floor tile is a layer of cement. The tub is iron--I never knew that tubs were iron. We plan to replace the window and change the plumbing a bit. And hopefully not discover some sort of construction nightmare while doing it all.

Now we have many things to be thankful for:

• First, and foremost, we have minimal water damage to the kitchen. In fact, if we really wanted to we could be perfectly content ignoring it. Or slapping a coat of paint on it.
• Second, we have a second full bathroom in our house, down in the basement. Until now, Eric had been using it as a storage extension of his woodshop. But today he took the time to clean it up--so I don't feel disgusting using it.
• Third, we have a seriously willing worker in Josh. The kid is happy to swing a hammer or a sledge hammer and break tile. He is also enthusiastic. That makes this a bit more enjoyable. But added to that, I am feeling upbeat, maybe even encouraged, despite the onslaught of a major home improvement.
• This was not totally unexpected. We had considered doing this earlier but had decided not to because it cost too much. But at least we had thought about it. We had the beginnings of a plan of action in our heads.
• Finally, we can and still will use our existing toilet and sink. They are pretty cool and were originally pretty costly. So we're saving those. We can save a bunch of money by doing a lot of work ourselves and we have many friends with a variety of skills.

But this comes at an interesting moment in our family's life. We are answering a call God has put upon our life. We are in the beginning stages of adopting two orphans from Africa. So right now we don't have money to spare for a project like this. We also don't have a great deal of spare time to put into this big a project and we have a deadline--5 weeks to finish major construction.

God is like that though, isn't he? He puts a call on your life and then allows obstacles. I truly believe this is just one of those obstacles, but through it God will shine. He will receive glory. Why? Because we can't do this without his intervention--in terms of time, money, encouragement, friends to help. The combination of factors is far beyond our means.

So the story begins with a drip of water.
It concludes with God receiving glory and praise for his provision, timeliness, and perfection of His plan for our lives.
I can only imagine what he's going to do in the middle.

Simple Living?

My house is in complete chaos. Our bed is on the floor, pieces of kids furniture are blocking the upstairs hallway and there are piles of books and un-put-away clothes all over.

Why? Because we are heading into a major, 1/3 of the house, home improvement project. We have finally hired someone to sand, stain, and seal the wood floors in three bedrooms, the upstairs hallway, and half of the kitchen. (For which we have to remove every single item from the floor and closets of those rooms and then not use them for 5 days--did I mention that this is going to involve my kitchen too?)

And before we finish the floor, Eric and I have decided to make our terribly ill-planned and not-at-all-suitable closet into one that could actually hold clothes. So, this weekend we're knocking a big hole in the wall of our room.

Now, do you understand why I am living in chaos? Of course you do.

But all this moving and rearranging and cleaning out and putting somewhere else has led me to think more purposefully about Living Simply. Now, I am not talking about that beautiful magazine that teaches us how to make a perfect bed or clean all our bathrooms with vinegar and freshly squeezed lemon juice. I am talking about the stuff that we accumulate, collect, hold onto, and allow to dominate our space without even thinking about it.

I don't even think I truly realize just how much stuff I/we really have in this house. And it is gratuitous. Yesterday I found boxes in our closet that we haven't touched since we moved here and on our bedside tables were easily a dozen books that are never opened nor have any meaning to us. We are surrounded by stuff.

How can one deal with this? I am not sure I have the answer, yet.

I have a hunch that the answer is found not so much in simple living, but in purposeful living. Deliberately choosing what things to have, choosing where to put them, choosing when to get rid of them. I am trusting that as I purge through our belongings, keeping all three pairs of dress pants (because I really like them) becomes less important than making sure I use well the things that I have. I am also trusting that as I cheerfully model being content in having less, I will raise up kids who are not consumed by the desire to acquire more things which truthfully, will rust away and be destroyed.

But until I figure all that out: don't come over, it's a mess. On the other hand, my chaos may just make you feel better about yours. . .

Catchin' Up

Whew. I think that's what I have to say about the past few months.

It's done. I made it. Deep breath.

And to some out there I owe a few pictures, so here you will find a little slid show highlighting the past two months which included: OG's 4th birthday, a Star Wars Party/Training for a 7 year old boy, a scrapbooking weekend, a new sewing machine, A ballet recital by two dancing ballerinas, a trip to Great Wolf Lodge with Papa & Grandma Beuker, my birthday, lots of pens, and school.

I was thrilled to make it to spring break last week. And after a week and a day of catching up, chillin' out, reading a bit, cleaning a lot, planning ahead I am finally beginning to rid myself of the drowning feeling. I'm almost ready to face the world again.

Anyway, enjoy these pictures. They are from our home to yours with a great deal of love.

S

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