I was devastated.
I had no other plan.
And then someone suggested I apply to Calvin. "They accept anyone with money." Yeah, that felt great. Long story short: I was accepted, but they didn't have a program I liked. And then, there was the added complication of this guy who went to school there. But I didn't want to choose that school just because of a guy.
I was in utter turmoil. The whole world was against me. What in the world did God want for me? What was his will? Where was I supposed to go to college? If I went to Calvin, what would I major in? And what about that guy? Could I screw this whole thing up somehow?
Needless to say, I didn't handle that time in my life very well. My angst was well-fitted to my teenage life.
Fast forward a few years.
This is a pivotal time for our family. I could very easily look at my life as I did in high school, uncertain, insecure, questioning, doubting, not sure of what God was doing.
On February 15th, there is a scheduled matching meeting in Lesotho. At this meeting, our dossier will be presented and, Lord willing, matched with waiting orphans. This is easily a more tenuous time than back when I was 18. But, I have noticed something, I am not nearly so unsure of God's plan for my life.
Do I know how it turns out? No.
Am I worried? Not really. Don't worry, there are plenty of scenarios where things go could 'wrong' (i.e. not according to my plan)
Why am I not worried?
God has this entire thing squarely in the palm of his hand. He knows everything: how long we've waited, what our desires are, where are hearts are, the journey we've travelled to get to this point. And because of this, I have great confidence in his plan--not that it is easy or what I want, but that it is GOOD, all the time.
With that in mind, however, I know that God listens to the prayers of his people. We can all approach his throne with confidence, knowing that his Spirit intercedes on our behalf.
Eric and I would ask you to join us in three weeks of concentrated prayer regarding our adoption. Will you join us by praying? We have very specific requests:
- That this meeting happen as scheduled, that all waiting families will be matched with waiting orphans.
- It is our deepest heart's desire to bring home a brother/sister sibling set. Will you pray boldly that God provide this for our family?
- There are details and timing issues relevant to our specific case that only God can work out. Will you pray that God works out every detail--from trip timing to paperwork to embassy meetings?
- Finally, we are starting to prepare for a 3-4 week trip to Africa. Although there are many, many details to work out to travel as 5 and return as 7, our biggest concern is financial. Pray that God provide abundantly for our plane tickets, three week stay in Africa, our expenses to maintain our home while we are gone, and our homecoming.
- Finally (for real) that God is honored and glorified through this whole process: our waiting, our kids, our homecoming. Although we have these requests, these desires of our hearts, truly, we want His will to be done in our lives and in our family.