Cross-cultural Experiences

In the past week and half, we have explored many parts of the culture and history of Lesotho.

Something that is very important to me is that we experience, as fully as possible, the culture of Lesotho and it's people, the Basotho.

We've seen the Basotho blanket nearly everywhere we have gone. So, naturally, we had to get a few.

Also, there is a traditional hat, called the Basotho hat.

I've made the traditional staple of papa (finely ground corn maize) with beef stew.

And today, we stopped at a shop to get some fabric for skirts for all the girls. (Brand new fabric--I'm in heaven!!! So many beautiful, traditional fabrics, so hard to choose.)

But then again, we are also transmitting some culture over to our little girl. Mali is quickly folding into the American lifestyle. (Already, we're ruining her.)

Our time here is flying by.

Good news!! Our visa processing is going along very well and our papers have already been sent on to Jo-burg. Our meetings with the government have gone very well here and tomorrow we have been asked to meet with the Minister of the Ministry of Social Development (this person answers directly to the Prime Minister of Lesotho). This is an honor very few adoptive families have been asked to do. We hope Eric is on his best behavior. :)

Keep praying--it is obvious that God's hand has been with us during this entire trip and for all of our African adventures.

"Sala hantale"
(stay well)

P.S. Only a few days left to buy a tshirt. Go here to find out all the info you need. Please buy one--you'll be one of the cool kids!

Life in Africa

Dumela! (that means "hello" in Sesotho). 

This is just a quick post to say that after a full week, we're here in Africa. 

All 6 Beukers! 

This journey, so far, has been stretching, eye-opening, hard, beautiful, both expected and unexpected. 

We've travelled throughout the city of Maseru (where we've visited the grocery store that is inside the mall), seen a place called KoMe Caves (where people have lived in caves as their primary homes for five generations), and hiked a mountain called Thabu Bosiu (an important place in the history of Lesotho.) There are stories to tell and images to process. We have seen so much in the past few days that it would take pages and pages to describe it to you. 

I know that the thing you want to know is this: how's it going as a family as 6? Well, a lot like our time in Africa. 

We are all learning how to be a family together--the road, at times, has been exactly as we imagined, yet nothing like we imagined. We're all getting to know each other. That process takes time and patience and lots of determination and no small amount of love. Thankfully, God has supplied everything we've needed. Yet, Eric and I still fall into bed at the end of the day, exhausted to the core. 

We have another week and a half here in Lesotho, where our internet is dependent on spending time with friends. After that, we travel back to South Africa for another week and a half for more appointments. I'll post as I can, but can't promise anything. 

Keep us in your prayers. 

S

Tomorrow We Leave

It is hard to describe this moment.

The bags are mostly packed. The house is mostly clean. Details mostly taken care of.

We're mostly there.

A few small things today: a final soccer game, ballet performance, haircut/donation to Locks of Love, put food in the house for the house sitter, host a Mother's Day lunch, final errands, and put the house in order.

That's it.

In less than 24 hours, we load our bags (way too many of them) full of gifts, donations and personal items and head to airport.

Ready or not, we're ready.

To hold this little one in our arms.
To start to live our new life instead of wondering about it.
To end the waiting pattern where she's there and we're here.

It's time to be a family.

As friends and family you have done more to encourage us with your thoughts and prayers, offers of help, hugs, and unexpected gifts than we could have imagined.

But your job isn't done yet--you have to pray us there and pray us home!

Below you will find our general itinerary and a few specific prayer requests.

Sunday--Leave home!
Tuesday--Arrive in Maseru, Lesotho!
Wednesday--Meet with government officials and go get Sunshine! Begin life as a family of 6!
Friday--First Embassy meeting for official permission to bring her home.
Thursday, May 30--Travel to Joburg, South Africa.
Friday, May 31--First of four appointments in SA for final permission to bring her home.
Sunday, June 9--Get back on a plane to fly home!
Monday, June 10--Arrive in our home city at the airport at about 11:30 a.m.


Here are some things to pray for:
1) Pray for safety: personal and emotional. We're traveling around the world with our three most precious gifts to receive a fourth. And the world is a scary, unknown place.
2) Pray for Sunshine--these next days will be filled with many things that she can't understand. Pray that she knows God's peace, his overwhelming presence, and ultimately the love that we want to share with her.
3) Pray for Josh, Katie and OG--this is a big adjustment for them. Pray they can be the excellent big siblings that they are. Pray they are changed by what they see and experience and that they can see God works and is present in this whole world he created.
4) Pray for Ana, our friend and babysitter extraordinaire. She will be travelling a week from now to join us in Lesotho. Pray for safety on her travels and that her experiences with our family, the orphanage, and others be a blessing to her.
5) Pray for me and Eric. We have a lot of emotion running through us. We're ready and we're scared, we have complete peace and faith, we have moments of fear. We're tired. We are embarking into a new realm of parenthood. We are inadequate for the task.

But this we know: God's got this. He has led us on this journey, full of ups and downs and highs and lows. He has called and we have followed. He has not brought us this far to drop us now. Every moment of the next four weeks, just like the past 2+ years, are known to him. There will be very tough moments--but you know what? it will be Good.

Because God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.

A Beautiful Chaos

My house is a disaster.

I don't think that I have fully wiped off our dining room table in four days.

Tonight, I spent a couple hours folding and ironing and washing. Maybe I'll put the clothes away.

The pile of supplies in my room has morphed into a monster that threatens to cover all available floor space.

I feel a bit crazy. In the course of every single day, I run the gamut of every. single. emotion. that i know of: joy, elation, excitement, fear, crazy, overwhelmed, out of control, totally unable and unprepared, tired. Very tired.

There are details that I need to finish: a photobook to introduce the extended family and friends, copies in triplicate of important documents, visa appointments, packing for 5 people to return as 6 in 5 suitcases.

All of this to get ready.

We received word on Tuesday that the Court of Lesotho had granted our petition request. Our little girl has our last name. We have permission to travel and bring her home. Today, I purchase airplane tickets for all of us. We leave for Africa in 13 days.

13 DAYS!!

This is real, my daughter is real, this trip is real. It's all real.

I try to catalogue all that is going through my head and I simply can't. There's so much.

I'm thankful for the ways that people around me have offered support and love. Because even though I have this massive trip to plan, life still marches on. There are orthodontic appointments, routine checkups, ballet, soccer, field trips, fun times with people, even two dates with my sweet husband.

But all of this is leading us very clearly to a moment. A moment where I meet my daughter for the very first time. Where I watch Eric's heart get stolen by this girl with a beautiful smile and bright eyes. Where we see her shy smile. When we try to make her laugh and feel safe and read her books  and cuddle her tightly. Where her new brother and sisters wrap their own arms around her and welcome her in.

Where we promise that we are her forever family. That as long as we have breath in our bodies we will love her, fight for her, be there for her, be her parents.

And that moment will be followed by a lifetime of love, laughter, healing, bonding, playing, of being a family.

I can hardly wait.

Oh, those eyes!

Be still my heart.

She is BEAUTIFUL.

I'm staring at the picture of this little stranger who has captivated my heart and many of my thoughts.

I want to pinch her sweet cheeks. I want to cuddle her under my chin. I want to wipe tears away from those dark brown eyes.

Now, more than ever, my thoughts are consumed with what it's going to take to get her home--what hurdles do I need to leap over, what oceans do I need to cross, what doubts do I need to put aside--what will it take to bring her home?

To that end, we are more than thrilled that two days ago we received from our agency's lawyer in Lesotho legal paperwork--our official petition to the court to adopt our Sunshine. Tonight it will be notarized and tomorrow, Fed-exed back across the ocean for a legal action to take place sometime in April. The court will then issue a new birth certificate--and then we go get her. Holy Cow!

So, to get ready, we've been rearranging our house (more on that to come....), purchasing items that we need for a long trip to Africa with our family (Imodium ad, anyone?)

We've been so busy that I almost missed Easter--one of the most holy days of my faith, one of my most precious. There haven't been extra discussions on how Jesus came to die from my sins, how desperate and needy I am without him, how alone, wretched, and lost I am without his choosing to come to earth to rescue me.

There have been no crafty Pinterest craft-ivities, no in-depth conversations about how Christ spent each of the days of Holy Week, no homemade Easter dresses for the girls, no acting out washing each other's feet, definitely no bunny or egg crafts.

But that's okay, because I realized something a couple days ago. This entire week (and Lenten season) has been spent thinking on the act and gift and cost of the crucifixion and the hope of the resurrection. We're focusing all our efforts and pennies and efforts on bring home one precious child. With great JOY.

In a very small way, this echoes the story of Easter. Our act of running to rescue Sunshine is not unlike Christ's salvific work on the cross--because he loved me, us so much he completed the task set before him with Joy, because he knew it would bring us home, into the presence of the Father for all eternity.

This to me is beautiful and humbling and powerful--that I could be part of God's work here on earth, that I can extend his love to a new little person.

And now that I see her face and can stare into those eyes, even though I don't know her, every moment, insecurity, doubt, has been transformed into JOY!

From our house to yours, may your Easter weekend be filled with the humbling reminders of what it cost Christ to rescue from the squalor of your sin and Holy Spirit shivers when you are reminded of the grace given to you.

Blessings.

The Least of these

There are so many things I could write about right now. My brain is a jumble of thoughts, emotions, and to-dos. But this is what has been on my heart.

Lately, we've been loving the song Kings & Queens by Audio Adrenaline. The video is beautiful and if you haven't watched it and listened to the words, you need to. Right. Now.

Last night I was struck by something as I was singing through the lyrics in my head. They go like this:

Boys will be Kings,
Girls will be Queens,
wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these.

I have always been uncomfortable by people's assessment that children are "the least."  I've always loved the curiosity, life, love, enthusiasm, creativity, and passion I have seen in the actions of children. I love children, always have.

I love that Jesus called kids to himself. I smile just imagining what that time looked like: did Jesus tickle and hug and laugh with all of them? I think he did. Did he attend to each little boo-boo, no matter how small ? Did he smile widely as yet another child tried to climb into his overfilled lap? I believe so.

I know there are many very, very important people who think that children aren't worth their time, resources or money. And many suffer for it. There are children across the entire world who are neglected, hungry, scared, abused, used as pawns, and forgotten by their families, by their countries, by their churches, by Christians.

But, last night, I realized that my Sunshine, my dear precious girl, is not least. She has a heritage and a name, she has a history and a new family, she has a place in my heart. She is loved by her Creator God.  Her life was bought by Jesus Christ. She has a holy inheritance.

She has been embedded on our hearts, there are few moments when she is not on my thoughts.
She is not forgotten.
She is no longer "least."

A Complicated Dance

A friend of mine used those words to explain this part of adoption and I love the picture. Even now, in the waiting moments (curse you, waiting!) this adoption thing is dreadfully complicated, pitting so many of my emotions against each other that I am a mess. I want to be completely honest about this process because I think it is useful to the conversation.

Let me introduce her to you: Her name means Sunshine (so that is what I'll call her here). She lives in Lesotho, Africa. She will be four this summer.

I haven't yet seen a picture, but I can imagine her: dark skin, dark eyes, chubby cheeks, big smile. I'm already in love. A part of my heart is no longer in Michigan, but over 8,000 miles away.

There are some very real and unexpected emotions going through us right now. You should know.

First, Grief. I am so sad--for Sunshine and her birth mama. Abandonment is a universal truth in adoption. On paper, you know it's true. But seeing hand written words describing those circumstances, imagining how it hurt, it punches you in the gut and wants to rip your heart out. We grieve for Sunshine and her mama.

Anger. I am angry. I am angry at sin and a broken world and realities that make adoption necessary. I am angry at injustice and the fact that there are babies and toddlers and kids and teenagers who have grown up without a family. It is horribly ugly and unfair. It is the result of sin in the world and I lament.

Fear. There are two layers of this going on: One, hair. In American black culture, hair is a big deal. I can't even deal with my own girls' hair. Yeah, I know I shouldn't stress about this, but I do.
Second, I am scared to parent this little girl, to try to help her heal her hurts. Are we strong enough for the grieving of a young child? Because no matter how great an orphanage she comes from and how wonderful a family she enters into, there will be tremendous grief. I don't know if I am enough. I know I'm not enough. That's what Jesus is--but here on earth, I am his representative.

Excitement. Oh yeah. We are excited! We can't wait to meet her. We're talking about what dolls to buy and how to decorate rooms and what size clothes she'll wear. We're wondering what her personality will be like and how she'll fit into our family. We're thinking about traveling and meeting her and how to introduce her to this crazy crew. We are blessed, we are excited. If you ask, I'll probably talk your ear off.

Peace. This one is the weirdest to me and hard to explain. But Sunshine is being cared for at a fantastic orphanage. With people who truly love her. I go to bed at night in peace because I know she is being loved, fed, cared for. She has a strong attachment to her caregivers and they to her. While one would think this would make me anxious and jealous, I'm not. I feel incredible, soul-centering peace. In all my prayers for my child before I knew who she was, I prayed she was safe and loved, even if she was hungry. God answered that prayer in abundance putting her in the care of life-long friends. Just thinking about His goodness in this makes my eyes well up with tears.

Tired. I'm tired. These emotions are exhausting. Eric and I stay up late at night talking about Sunshine, our kids and us and what we know and how we feel. I fall asleep at night praying for her, dreaming about her, imagining her life now and what it will be. We still have a long journey ahead of us, lots of things to figure out and do, but the rest of life marches on with school and work and home.

It is interesting going through this dance, both the here and there, the now and the not yet.

So, there you have it. I told you it was complicated.

But it's a beautiful dance.

Promises

For the past months, I have seen this progression in my own spirit. For the past few days, I have worked hard to say, "God has done it--and it is a beautiful thing!" But I have no idea what God has done yet. Truly, these are hard words to say....

But, we are trying to rest in the knowledge that this has been in God's hands all along. He has always had this journey, even up to this point.

And now, here we are, just a few days away from the meeting (on Wednesday the 20th, if you needed the reminder) that will, one way or another, determine the direction and look of this family. Although we have been waiting for a really long time, this is just the start of our "pregnancy". This meeting is our "ultrasound" where we see real little people for our family. We still have a long period of waiting before we get to hold them in our arms and bring them home.

I can't really tell you when we're going to know anything or when we'll be able to tell you. Actually, chances are good that by the time our day is officially rolling at our house, the meeting will be happening or over. But who knows when the news will reach us.

Today, God used the Sunday school lesson I taught to remind me. Together we learned again about how God keeps his promises: all of them, all the time. Even though the Israelites were scared about the Promised Land, they grumbled and complained about it, and they were punished for their grumbling, God still provided Manna every single day. His promises are good. His promises are true.

And this is my promise to you, faithful friend. We will let you know. At some point, you will share in our joy or our disappointment, as you have shared in our journey thus far. We just don't know when. Please be patient, if you think the waiting is killing you, think of what it's doing to us. And say an extra prayer. It could be a few days.

Already, we can say together:

Shouts of joy and victory

    resound in the tents of the righteous:

“The Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!

¹⁶ 

    The Lord’s right hand is lifted high;

    the Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!”

^17 . 

(Psalm 118:15-16)

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Your will be done

I wanted to write something wise and deep for this blog--to let you know that we are okay, to tell you that we are hanging on in spite of the many roadblocks in our path, that we are waiting anxiously yet peacefully for the 20th. My thoughts are all jumbled, they run together well in my head, but not so great on paper.

But I have tried, now 4 times, and the words are more than inadequate. They come out whiny, childish, and selfish.

So, let me just say this:

We are a blessed family. In the next two weeks we celebrate two of our wonderful children. We celebrate the love that we have for each other on Valentine's Day. We have the privilege of being surrounded by many (some we see, some we don't) who love us and are praying for us. We have the privilege of participating in our church's 24-7 prayer week, where we will pray that God's light break through darkness in our lives and our world.

Sometimes this journey seems very lonely. But we're not alone.

We are incredibly blessed. And grateful. And humbled.

But we are also challenged. That in this time of waiting that we still live well. That we continue to prepare ourselves (financially, emotionally, spiritually) for the life we desire--the one that includes a couple beautiful children not of our bodies, but born of our hearts. That we not dwell so much on our trials that we forget to see and support the trials of others.

Being in a place of waiting for God's will to be born out is challenging. We have many questions that we don't have answers for. We both toss around a bunch of "what ifs." We try not to borrow trouble from tomorrow, today has enough of it's own. Sometimes we're successful, sometimes we're not.

Ultimately, it is our prayer: "Your will be done. Your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven."

And if in any way, we can be a part of your kingdom coming, let us do it joyfully and without restraint.

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Ugh

Seriously. 

After 22 months, why does 5 days seem like such a big deal? 

Last night we were informed that the scheduled matching meeting in Lesotho has been postponed until February 20th. It was previously scheduled for the 15th.

I am still processing this news. And while it seems like a rational being would be able to say "huh, okay, they need a few more days to get everything in order." I am no longer a rational being regarding this adoption. I'm trying to say that, but 5 days feels more like a death knell than a promise. I can't offer you any more without sounding a bit like a hyper-emotional, overly-sensitive lunatic. 

We are continuing to wait. Please continue to pray. 

S

Our Journey Continues...

When I was a senior in high school, I encountered the most devastating time in my young life. My best friend had dumped me and a cherished boyfriend dumped me. I had been ousted from my place on the basketball team by three freshman. And then, the only college that I wanted to attend, wait-listed me.

I was devastated. 

I had no other plan. 

And then someone suggested I apply to Calvin. "They accept anyone with money." Yeah, that felt great. Long story short: I was accepted, but they didn't have a program I liked. And then, there was the added complication of this guy who went to school there. But I didn't want to choose that school just because of a guy. 

I was in utter turmoil. The whole world was against me. What in the world did God want for me? What was his will? Where was I supposed to go to college? If I went to Calvin, what would I major in? And what about that guy? Could I screw this whole thing up somehow? 

Needless to say, I didn't handle that time in my life very well. My angst was well-fitted to my teenage life. 

Fast forward a few years. 

This is a pivotal time for our family. I could very easily look at my life as I did in high school, uncertain, insecure, questioning, doubting, not sure of what God was doing.

On February 15th, there is a scheduled matching meeting in Lesotho. At this meeting, our dossier will be presented and, Lord willing, matched with waiting orphans. This is easily a more tenuous time than back when I was 18. But, I have noticed something, I am not nearly so unsure of God's plan for my life. 

Do I know how it turns out? No.

Am I worried? Not really. Don't worry, there are plenty of scenarios where things go could 'wrong' (i.e. not according to my plan)

Why am I not worried? 

God has this entire thing squarely in the palm of his hand. He knows everything: how long we've waited, what our desires are, where are hearts are, the journey we've travelled to get to this point. And because of this, I have great confidence in his plan--not that it is easy or what I want, but that it is GOOD, all the time. 

With that in mind, however, I know that God listens to the prayers of his people. We can all approach his throne with confidence, knowing that his Spirit intercedes on our behalf. 

Eric and I would ask you to join us in three weeks of concentrated prayer regarding our adoption. Will you join us by praying? We have very specific requests:

• That this meeting happen as scheduled, that all waiting families will be matched with waiting orphans. 
•  It is our deepest heart's desire to bring home a brother/sister sibling set. Will you pray boldly that God provide this for our family?
• There are details and timing issues relevant to our specific case that only God can work out. Will you pray that God works out every detail--from trip timing to paperwork to embassy meetings?
• Finally, we are starting to prepare for a 3-4 week trip to Africa. Although there are many, many details to work out to travel as 5 and return as 7, our biggest concern is financial. Pray that God provide abundantly for our plane tickets, three week stay in Africa, our expenses to maintain our home while we are gone, and our homecoming. 
• Finally (for real) that God is honored and glorified through this whole process: our waiting, our kids, our homecoming. Although we have these requests, these desires of our hearts, truly, we want His will to be done in our lives and in our family.