So I thought it was time to break silence with a bit of a status report.
But let's back up a bit to see where we are. Exactly 17 months ago, Eric and I decided to go forward and begin proceedings on a sibling adoption from Lesotho. We are
About 10 months ago, Eric was asked to consider applying for a new job. He did--got the job and started it at the end of April.
Since these two things have happened (or not happened), our lives have been turned completely upside down. There really is no other way to describe these past few months. We've combined the major, life-changing actions of job change with the emotional up-and-down process of an adoption. We have been totally changed, yet I have a difficult time explaining exactly how.
About the time that we were considering the new job, I heard a song that changed my perspective. This job came with a significant cut in pay. As we were struggling with what that would look like, I heard this song (Choose song #7--Enough) by Shaun Groves.
The text is from Proverbs 30:7-9 and reads like this:
Two things I ask of you, Lord;
do not refuse me before I die:
8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
9 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.
And in that moment, that was my prayer, that whatever happened we would have enough. Primarily, at that time, my concern was money. Just enough money to pay our bills and pay adoption expenses. (Side note: my dad once told me that such prayers were foolish--now I understand what he meant, not to not pray them, but that they often have results that we could never imagine.)
But instead in these months of transition, waiting, uncertainty, and change, God has given us only enough of everything.
- Enough failure to make us dependent on Him and each other;
- Enough (barely) sleep and coffee to make us function;
- Enough hope (but not much) that someday this adoption will actually happen;
- Enough friends and family supporting us to know that God has hands and feet to carry us when we need it;
- Enough money to meet our requirements (but my definition of enough seems to
be morediffer slightly from God's).
And we've been fortunate to have our eyes opened that in some powerful, life-changing ways, he's given more than enough:
-More grace and forgiveness than I have ever deserved
-More blessings in the form of the love & joy of my family than I had ever realized
So what's our status? To be honest, we're hanging in there. Some days are smooth and easy, some days we want to throw in every towel we have, hunker down inside our home and close our ears and eyes to the world, some days we want to quit--because waiting is hard and emotional and there are no easy answers, no clear paths and life was easier then.
How are we going to make it? Simple, we wait--wait for God and his provision and timing and grace. We wake up each morning and thank God for the day that we are given and use it to his glory, whether in the workplace or in our home. We pray for ourselves, our family, and our kids waiting to come home. We keep our eyes open to the magnificent ways God blesses us in every single season, day, hour and minute (even when we don't always understand).
And we will remember, no matter how we feel, that God is a good God
All the time.