God is good...All the time

This has been a hard week. I have had the privilege of walking with many different friends through unexpected struggles in their lives. Encountering sudden loss and grief is never easy and has weighed heavy on my heart this week. I struggle with how to respond as a good friend, knowing that usually all I can offer is prayers and love, but not feeling that it is enough of a response.

So I pray, I talk with my friends, and I try to rest in God's goodness for them (and I offer them food!).

But yesterday, I just had a heavy heart. For most of the day.

In the early evening, I found myself at Meijers all by myself to do our bi-weekly grocery shopping. And it was going really well. It seemed like everything on my list was on sale. Seriously. I jokingly asked God if he went before me and put sale tags on everything that I needed to buy that week.

And then I was in the spice aisle trying to figure out which Paprika to bu (Why did the Organic Paprika look so dull? Was it a different variety?)  when I was approached by a tall, dark stranger. He had a rectangular face and a long forehead. He had really white skin and very dark hair and buggy eyes. He must have been in his late teens or early 20's. I figured he was going to ask me some ingredient question (that seems to happen a bit).

Instead, he said, looking straight into my eyes, "Excuse me. I just have this pressing on my heart to tell you that the Lord loves you."

I was floored. Shocked. Incredibly surprised. Flabbergasted. Remarkably blessed.

I thanked him deeply. He had no clue that he just made my day, actually my entire week.

I wished him a great day and we both went on our way shopping. I encountered him a couple other times in other rows (as it often happens at Meijers) and we gave each other warm smiles and kind greetings.

Now, the skeptic in me would try to write this off as a really weird guy who had some radical agenda and was trying to save my soul. But I observed him and his friend and I didn't see them talking to anyone else.

And further, I have learned how to be open to God's leading in my life. And God wanted me to know something. He used this unusual and unexpected way to drill it home to me. He LOVES me. The Lord, Yaweh, Creator God, Healer, Protector, All-Sufficient One. This God, he loves me.

So now I don't really care what his agenda was or how it came to be that buggy-eyed guy actually spoke to me. But I am confident that God used that moment to wrap his arms around me and encourage me, to help me to press on and keep doing what I am doing.

Thanks buggy-eyed guy. Thanks for listening to God's voice. Thanks for sharing it with me.

I almost missed it.

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19

This year, I almost missed Christmas. Almost.

I almost let all the pressure surrounding the celebrating of the holiday overshadow the real reason and task of Christmas.

It all began on Wednesday the 22nd when I made a major mistake in each of the kid's Christmas pajamas. I didn't realize what I had done until I finished the waistband on the last of the three pairs of pants. And then came the thought that there was no way I could fix the major error and also finish their pajamas in time for Christmas Eve.

Previously, we had filled the week with friends and visits and fun, so the house was a mess and we hadn't gotten anything done.

The 23rd, we had Christmas with Eric's family. I was lucky enough to make the meal, but work and an unexpected recipe change meant just a little bit more stress trying to accomplish everything.

On Christmas Eve, I spent the morning running around doing a few last minute things. I was totally wound up. So was Eric. The kids were wired and we had too many things to do in too little time. There just wasn't enough time to finish everything that "needed" to be done. Finally at home, I sat by my sewing machine, sewing furiously, trying to finish pajama shirts: my machine was jamming, seams were super crooked and there was supportive stitching showing through and making my errors obvious to my eye. I also was thinking about all the food that I had to make: Treats for Jesus' birthday party, yummy food for Christmas Eve dinner, bread for Christmas breakfast. And then there were presents to wrap, Christmas cards to deliver to my neighbors, the house to clean and . . . .

I think you get the picture. I was completely stressed out.

Suddenly, it hit me. I was totally doing exactly what I didn't want to do with Christmas. I was making all the trappings of the holiday outweigh the weight of the meaning of Christmas. The stuff was more important than the people, than the baby.
And God sent some wonderful, gentle, loving reminders, in the forms of my children to help me remember (again) why God sent his son for us.

I managed to finish (with knowledge that I would later fix a major error) two full pairs of pajamas. And the girls danced around the house wearing them.

All three understand why Jesus came to be born on this earth: that our king had to become a baby to grow up and save us from our sins. To hear them declare their love for Christ moved me in a way that is difficult to describe.

At Jesus' birthday party (This year, He was gracious enough to allow gluten free brownies which we all said were really, really good), OG said probably the cutest thing I have ever heard. "Mommy, Jesus is in my heart, right?" "Yep, OG, he is in your heart." "Jesus is in my heart, so he can't see the brownies right?" During our popcorn prayer, their prayers were simple and moving.

Christmas morning was a great time with our family. The kids were excited to have us open the gifts they gave us, they were patient while waiting for their turn. And they all shared their new stuff.

Then at church, our family lit the Advent candles. Each member had a role: Eric (and Yoli, our adopted member of the family) read, the girls and I lit the candles, and J said the prayer. His confidence and the strength of the words he prayed was beautiful. I was one proud mama, not only for how he acted on stage, but for what he said with such strength.

And I ended the holiday with this thought, over and over:

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

And from the real meaning of Christmas, this is the desired outcome. And it gives me great hope and great joy.

A New Year on the horizon

Wow! Another month has passed and we are at the edge of a new year, new decade. This has been a sweet month of celebrations with family and friends, both near and far. Isn't that what Christmas is? A month of celebrations. For me, it culminated in our Christmas Eve birthday party for Jesus and a small candle service to show each of us how Christ's light shines in us and then lights up the world. It was powerful to watch my kids catch on!

But now as we turn the page on a new year, I am full of thoughts on what we have just encountered and what is yet to come. On Sunday, as we looked through the paper together, I had to explain to J the number one event of this decade, 9/11. It was remarkable to notice that his world is colored by an event that he wasn't here for and he will never know a world without the implications of that attack or the wars that followed. In fact, many of the top events of this decade were negative events and sometimes its hard to open a child's eyes to sin and suffering.

However, this life we live now is sweet and full of promise--the promise that comes from newly acquired skills, budding talents and dreams, and the sound of a toddler's contagious giggle. Reflecting on this past year, I have the following observations (i wanted to be cool and come up with a Letterman-like top 10, but I don't have that much time to plan)

1) I can do just about anything! Proof positive: I ran a marathon (oh yeah, next year in under 5 hours!)
2) Praise Jesus I am simply called to love (and not condemn) the broken people around me, because I am broken just like them.
3) I am rather undisciplined, but I'm working on it.
4) Marriage is pretty tough stuff, but when you are committed to your sweet husband, and he to you, you do the hard work!
5) Homeschooling is not for the faint of heart, yet I am becomming convinced that it is worth every moment of agonizingly painful hard work.
6) Somewhere in my soul, a crafty person is lurking, waiting for the moment to break free and create stuff.
7) Friends alway seem to come at just the right time with just the right word of encouragment. Thanks, friends.
8) My God, my Lord, my Saviour, my friend. It is good to be His.

May your 2010 be full of love and blessing, just as your 2009 was.

God is in this place

Tonight I put the kids to bed on my own, Eric had to be at work. The three were beat, so tired. Fun in the summer sun will do that do a kid. But my oldest doesn't like going to bed. In fact, falling asleep is difficult for him becuase he makes up fears for himself. Tonight sounded like it was going to be the same as many previous nights.

J:Mommy, I don't want to go to bed alone in my room. I'll be alone. I'll be scared.

Me: No, you won't. You're safe here in this house with me. I'm here. Your safe.

Then everything changed when a small voice spoke to me in my heart.

Me: J, you know that God is a good guy, right? Well, there is a bad guy named Satan and when you tell me that you are going to be scared I know that Satan is fighting with you. Satan is fighting with you, but God is bigger and stronger than Satan and wants to beat him up. God keeps you safe.

J: Oh. . .

Reluctantly, he turns and heads towards bed. I hold him for a while to help him know he is safe and I love him. Gently, I tuck him in bed. After a moment of quiet he asks, "Mommy, is God winning?"

Yes, my son, indeed He is winning. He has already won!

The Road Less Travelled

Sometimes, when I have a spare brain cell or a moment to think, I wonder why in the world am I doing all this. Why do I lead the life that I do, make the choices I make or even think about certain things? Why do I care to live in the city, have genuine concern for my neighbors, love my husband deeply, care about the way in which I mother, think honestly and realistically about homeschooling, and act the way that I do? Why don't I just walk away when I am frustrated with my kids and the way that they are acting, instead try to calmly teach the appropriate behavior?

I admit, part of it is a sense of responsibility that I have. And honestly, a great deal of it is a calling, a very personal one that I have chosen to accept. But that doesn't keep me from being frustrated, sometimes very deeply--I get frustrated by my inability to complete projects or even basic cleanings, I get frustrated when I feel that I am getting the losing end of the deal, I get tired. Sometimes, I just want to quit.

And when I think about all the things that I don't do well, or don't do at all, or I hold myself to some impossible standard that no one sees but me--well, rightly or wrongly I get discouraged.

But God has a funny way of pushing encouragement at us when we least expect it (but when we need it) and where we don't imagine finding it. Today I found mine in the juvenile poetry section from the library in a small collection of Robert Frost's poetry for people of all ages.

So here is today's encouragement:

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that, the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both the morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.