This was a frustrating week. I couldn't seem to get the runs I needed to in. So many things foiled my efforts--the kids, Eric's job, my inability to be flexible when an opportunity to run appeared. It made me think a lot during my run today (in order to avoid thinking about the creaks and aches in my knees and ankles)--am I nuts? Who am I to think that I can juggle all these things--a young, demanding family, a strong need for plenty of sleep, a husband with an unpredictable work schedule--enough to be able to train properly for a full marathon. That, and I am slow--honestly, I am okay with my slowness, but the idea of running for almost 5 hours on marathon day is very mind-boggling to me. Even today--I woke up, fed the kids, gave instructions to Ana and started to run, was home just before 11. That's half the day gone. Is this worth my time?
I think it is, but I have to be realistic about what I can pull off in this life I lead. Can I do this, should I do this without sacrificing my family and my sanity? And my life is soon to be crazier (not simpler) as we start homeschooling in just about a month. If I were being completely honest with you, I would tell you that I keep asking God to tell me "No, don't do it", to make it clear and definite--and that's not the answer I get--instead I hear God tell me to keep going, pound out one more mile, that He will get me through this. I sorta am beginning to think that I need to prove to myself that I am capable of such a feat, especially since giving up seems a nice option.
But enough of my mental games with myself. Despite not getting to run as I should have this week, today's 10 miles by myself was remarkable pleasant. And I did it on my own--Eric was recovering from too many late nights (or mornings) at work. Of course, I'm slow, but I did it--no extra breaks and I ran exactly as I should have. My knee wasn't too bothersome and the other creaks were just complaints. GU is a wonderful invention, I think it helped a great deal! There was some nice sun at the beginning and a great breeze at the end. It was a nice run. I actually can say that I enjoyed myself. I think that statement, all on its own, marks me as a woman in need of some counseling (or a vacation retreat at a wonderful spa!)