Sunday, August 2, 2009

Ponder this awhile

So I have come to the conclusion that since having kids I have lost the ability to think, but only recently have I missed it. Confused? Let me explain. . .

Once upon a time I was a person who thought a lot about a lot of cool and (I felt) meaningful things. I had opinions and thoughts to offer to a conversation and surprisingly, some people wanted to hear what I had to say.

Life has changed since then. I went from working in a ministry that was impacting the lives of many middle schoolers to working in a home impacting the lives of three precious gifts. Rarely do they ever ask me for a deep thought or a bit of a sermon on how Christ would handle unruly parents or relationship troubles. We're in more of the "Sit-down-and-listen-to-what-I-say-and-respond-appropriately-the-first-time" mode, along with "if-you-keep-saying words-like-that-you-may-get-to-eat-soap-for-dinner." (Don't worry, no soap has been eaten by anyone yet!) And honestly, I rarely feel like I have much of value to add to many conversations. People stop to talk and I have little to say and often I feel as if I am only bringing up the negative in my life instead of all the wonderful postive things that I am blessed with.

And then today it hit me at our church camp-out--while our Pastor was asking for observations about the weekend we had spent out in nature--that I didn't have anything to add. And that stung a little. Sure, I could have added something cute about my kids and how we discovered a spider wrapping its catch on a spider web. But honestly, I had nothing that would impart God's wisdom to another person (or so I thought). And while the time in my life where I need to be the center of attention has passed, I still know that I need to have creative thought about things that aren't necessarily related to kids and child rearing and homeschooling and keeping a home.

I want to think again. I think I am getting there. Just recently I had the whisper of a thought about God and lions and Aslan and majesty. And I tried to capture it, but it vanished. But I am pretty sure that before long, it will come back. And this time, I will be ready to catch it!


Marissa said...

Sammy, let's get together. I need to start speaking deeply again as well. :P

Marcy said...

Thinking? And deep thoughts? What are those again??????? LOL! Yep, I can so relate! That is probably why I look forward to Sunday's and being able to listen to an awesome sermon and think deeply about God's word. And maybe briefly be able to discuss that with someone in our church family before having to leave.

BUT, then I remind myself that what I am doing as a wife and a mommy is God's high calling for women. And I am thankful that He chose to bless me with this calling as some are not able to do it.