This is not the post I wanted to write.
It just isn't.
On Monday night we were informed that our family was to be presented at a orphan matching meeting in Lesotho. At these matching meetings the government brings all the approved dossiers and the orphanages bring the files of the orphaned children. The Social Workers then go through the lists and make matches. Sounds simple, right?
Not if all the correct paperwork isn't done.
So after a nervous couple of days (is this for real? are they out there? could our family be different already? are they safe and healthy and whole? do they have enough food?)
And some more nervous thoughts in the quiet moments of my days (Oh no, are we ready for this? what is the timing going to look like? where is the money for travel going to come from?)
Finally, we received word that the meeting happened as scheduled but no new cases were presented because the appropriate paperwork on the children was not complete.
This is both good and horrible. It's good because the government is making sure correct procedure is followed, hopefully protecting these little ones.
It's horrible because there are many eligible orphans waiting in institutions for a forever family and the hold up is PAPERWORK! Children in need of love and food and protection and good night kisses and family have to wait longer because someone doesn't know how to fill out the paperwork (at this point it's a bit difficult to keep my anger in check).
So long story short: meeting fortold, hopes risen, meeting happens, no matches, hopes dashed, difficult days follow.
Friends, this is an incredibly emotional, roller-coaster sort of process. I can't really compare it to anything else. A friend who is also in this said that it was a little like being sure you are pregnant and taking a pregnancy test and getting a negative. But more hurtful.
I don't have much else to say. It's just tough.
I know that my God is watching over my kids, I know his hand is around our family on both continents, I know that this will work out in his perfect timing, I know he is in control.
But that doesn't make the emotions any less real. It doesn't keep it from hurting. It's just tough.
Peace (at least that's what I'm aiming for)