A Beautiful Chaos

My house is a disaster.

I don't think that I have fully wiped off our dining room table in four days.

Tonight, I spent a couple hours folding and ironing and washing. Maybe I'll put the clothes away.

The pile of supplies in my room has morphed into a monster that threatens to cover all available floor space.

I feel a bit crazy. In the course of every single day, I run the gamut of every. single. emotion. that i know of: joy, elation, excitement, fear, crazy, overwhelmed, out of control, totally unable and unprepared, tired. Very tired.

There are details that I need to finish: a photobook to introduce the extended family and friends, copies in triplicate of important documents, visa appointments, packing for 5 people to return as 6 in 5 suitcases.

All of this to get ready.

We received word on Tuesday that the Court of Lesotho had granted our petition request. Our little girl has our last name. We have permission to travel and bring her home. Today, I purchase airplane tickets for all of us. We leave for Africa in 13 days.

13 DAYS!!

This is real, my daughter is real, this trip is real. It's all real.

I try to catalogue all that is going through my head and I simply can't. There's so much.

I'm thankful for the ways that people around me have offered support and love. Because even though I have this massive trip to plan, life still marches on. There are orthodontic appointments, routine checkups, ballet, soccer, field trips, fun times with people, even two dates with my sweet husband.

But all of this is leading us very clearly to a moment. A moment where I meet my daughter for the very first time. Where I watch Eric's heart get stolen by this girl with a beautiful smile and bright eyes. Where we see her shy smile. When we try to make her laugh and feel safe and read her books  and cuddle her tightly. Where her new brother and sisters wrap their own arms around her and welcome her in.

Where we promise that we are her forever family. That as long as we have breath in our bodies we will love her, fight for her, be there for her, be her parents.

And that moment will be followed by a lifetime of love, laughter, healing, bonding, playing, of being a family.

I can hardly wait.