What a five years!

Five years ago today, I gave birth to a child that I didn't know I wanted.

If you don't know my history, you have to understand my life at that time to fully get that statement. My oldest two are about 16 months apart in age. And just about the time that I was catching my breath from two pregnancies and babies (when #2 turned 1), God announced a third. This baby changed everything. We had to move houses and neighborhoods. This baby set an already weary body into over-drive. During the time of this pregnancy, my husband was in the middle of an intense Master's program that was coupled with an already intense job. We had made our plans about the future of our family and this baby wasn't in it.

Three babies in three years. I had enough of the "you do know what causes this, don't you?" comments. I was bone weary, soul-tired, emotionally tapped out.

And then I met her. I never knew just how she would change my whole life.

The happy baby who could go from laughing to sleeping within a nano-second. The baby with the spiky dark hair that wouldn't lay down until the day of her baptism. The little girl who while learning to walk wore squeaky shoes (so that way I could know where she was).

Olivia Grace, you are an unbelievable child. Sometimes I have felt a little crazed in trying to parent you. You are curious, independent, confident, fearless, creative, content, thoughtful, and kind to others.


You are a gift that I did not deserve. I am thrilled that you are my daughter.

 I pray that I am a mother that gives you wings to fly, allows you to express your deep heart, encourages you to run to the arms of your Savior, teaches you to love & to fully live in the world, helps you to see the beauty in the people and nature that are all around us.

Has it already been five years? Already you seem so big, so ready to take on the world, to conquer it with your love and imagination (and a little bit of sass). Already you don't need me all the time.

I pray that you become a woman of God, that in every action people know and see the feet and hands and face of Christ. I pray that you have a heart of compassion, lips of prayer and praise, hands of service, and feet that feel free enough to dance and move as the Lord calls.

I am so thankful for you. You are absolutely one of God's immeasurable gifts.

Happy Birthday, Olivia!

January 11--The Goal

So, January 11 has come and gone.

And Eric and I still remain speechless at what God has done through his people.

I don't really know how to say thank you in an adequate way. The words that I wrote (and am still writing) thank you notes don't seem to say enough.

God has used you to encourage Eric and I through some very difficult and discouraging days this past month. Thank you!

January 11th was the date that Lifesong set as a goal date for our fundraising. Our goal was to raise $2500 from family and friends to match a $2,500 grant from Lifesong. On January 11th, we had been given gifts from friends and family totaling well above the goal.

I get very choked up when I think about that. Isn't God good? Every gift, every giver, every amount is precious to us.

To understand what this means to us, I think there needs to be a bit of explaining. In the past few weeks our case worker shared with us her belief that we will not be able to adopt siblings from Lesotho because she has never seen what we are asking for. The week after that news, she suggested that we consider switching countries and now adopt from Uganda where we could adopt two non-related children at once, thus fulfilling our heart's desire. After much prayer and discussion, we have decided to remain true to our original call and intent, understanding that it may take longer than we had originally desired and we still may not have siblings come into our home.

When we add up the gifts we were given, the grant, and our current savings, we have enough to pay our next payment to adopt 2 children for Lesotho. This little bit of math is confirmation for me. (Although, the cynic in me says: yes, but the gifts you were given will also pay the fees for one child as well.)

We are so blessed. We hold tight to God's promises and our heart's desire.

Thank you!

P.S. Our next big financial item will be plane tickets and travel costs, which are about $2500 per person right now. Any gift made to Lifesong on our behalf is ours to use until we have reached the full amount of all adoption and travel expenses. Any amount raised above this will go to assist other families in the adoption process.

Lifesong for Orphans

Have you heard about these people: Lifesong for Orphans? What I have learned about this organization that promotes orphan advocacy is amazing. Last year they helped fund a group of Russian orphans to start their own gardening business, they have sponsored education and life-improving drives in Africa, and they helped 638 orphans come home to their forever families with financial grants or loans.

We are so excited that this organization has decided to partner with us! We have received a $2500 matching grant from Lifesong. That means that they are matching, dollar-for-dollar gifts made on our behalf up to $2,500. What that really adds up to is $5000!

The catch? Well, it is a time limited offer. All gifts given up until January 11th will be eligible for the matching grant. All gifts after that will still be credited to us, it just won't be part of the grant. So far, we know there is over $900 in our account at Lifesong! So we're about one-third of the way there. Woohoo!

So, you must be asking yourself, Jan. 11th? That's only one week away!

I know, the holidays sorta mess everything up, but I have good news for you. There is a paypal link! Yep, right now from the comfort of your computer chair, you can click here to be directed to Lifesong's donation page. Scroll down to find paypal options and make a gift. It's that easy. (Note: Lifesong does not take any part of any gift on our behalf for administrative fees, but paypal does. So the amount of the gift we receive will be just 1-2% less than the gift you make. Just so you know.)

To make sure the donation is credited to us and not their wonderful general fund, you need to designate Beuker #2355. Any gift is tax-deductible as Lifesong is a non-profit entity.

When we were first considering how to fund our adoption and pondering the idea of accepting gifts like this, I was truly uncomfortable. I don't want people to just give us money, we surely don't deserve other people's money. A friend commented, "But our money is helping orphans find a forever home." That help me put things in perspective. This isn't about me or my pride, but about two beautiful kids who God loves who need a home.

And as an added bonus, let me show you this:

This is the beginning of a quilt our family is making to help us visualize and remember the many wonderful people who are walking on this journey with us. I have created 100 leaves on which we will write the names of (hopefully) every person/family who helps. So far, I have names to fill 60 of them.

Wouldn't it be an awesome testimony of God's provision and love to fill every leaf? To have this quilt to wrap around our precious kids and help them understand how loved they were before they ever got here?

Thanks for wrapping your arms around our family. We have felt your love and prayers.
S

December: An Unsettled Time

I've been unexpectedly silent during the month of December. Totally surprised me. Usually, I find the Christmas season to be so full, full of promise, full of expectation, full of beauty, that I find the need to share many of my thoughts.

But not this year.

This December has been a very unsettled time for me and our whole family. Nothing bad happened; there was no tragedy, sad news, or other such event.

It is just a time of enormous uncertainty and change for us. And I don't do well with that. For the sake of situations that are on-going, I am not going into details. But trust me when I say there are major, life-changing decisions being made here.

Today I was reminded by how thankful I am for the fact that God knows my future, he is in total control of my present, he has walked me through every moment of my past. Because some days it feels like all of it is just spinning out of my hands and control.

At the front of your mind, you must be asking: Oh no, did something happen with their adoption? Well, the answer is yes and no.

At the beginning of the month we were blessed to receive a $2500 matching grant from Lifesong for Orphans. I am putting together a post on that for the next day or so. What an enormous blessing! With great anticipation we mailed out our Christmas cards/fundraising letters. We are blessed by those who have responded, but God is also teaching us great patience. He holds all things. . .

Did anything else happen? Well no. We thought there was supposed to be a pairing meeting in December, but that didn't materialize. And we have no word on when one might be. So again, we wait while we learn more about patience.

But, we have received the disheartening news that it is highly unlikely that we will receive siblings during this process. This is a painful blow to us. For Eric and I, our commitment has ALWAYS been biological siblings. But a "highly unlikely" event is not impossible one, because my God is a God of miracles. We are left to wonder what is to happen, running many "what ifs", trying to predict an unknown future, knowing we won't know anything until we do.

There is a great burden on my heart for prayer: prayer for me and Eric as we make some major decisions, prayer for our kids: the ones who are waiting, the brother and sister pair that are "highly unlikely", the ones that are already residents of our heart. Would you join me in this prayer, for a miracle beyond many's beliefs: that God has two kids age 4 and younger waiting for us in Lesotho? We are so willing to be flexible, but there are so many hoops, paperworks, uncertainty, but we want to hear God's clear voice as to how we wait.

God hears our prayers.
God answers prayers.
On this, I base my hope.

Christmas Pictures!

It's that time of year.

I love the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been favorites in my book, partly because of the way that we celebrated it as a kid, and partly because of what they have come to mean to me as an adult.

Thanksgiving has always been a warm time with good friends. This year we had to make new traditions and while it was great to welcome new friends into our home, missing the old ones made the day bittersweet. But we are still thankful: God has blessed us in incredible ways. Beyond the "expected" thank-ings, I have unexpected ones: a writing partner, a son who asked Jesus into his heart, a grant towards our adoption.

As we have moved beyond Thanksgiving into the Christmas season, I always appreciate the opportunity to think about Christ and his amazing love: that he would sacrifice so much for me, for us.

To commemorate, we take the obligatory family Christmas picture for the Christmas card. This should not be a cause for great concern, unless you are part of this family.

• Have I ever mentioned that I do not take great pictures?
• Did you know that my son is missing so many teeth across the front of his mouth that he can't really smile?
• Have you ever tried to make OG sit still, even for 1 minute?
• Luckily, I have one girl who loves the camera: any chance to pose is a golden one for her. And Eric always looks good in pictures.

Out of all the pictures we took, this one is my favorite. It is the one that I think best represents our family.

Unfortunately, I didn't win the discussion and this one is not the picture for our annual Christmas card. I bet the picture would have been better if I hadn't have been tickling J & OG.

Oh well, just wait until you see which one won!

Waiting



Our Sunday meal from The Orphan's Table. A meal similar to many eaten by orphans and impoverished people around the world. Did we like it? Not really. . .but it gives us good perspective.


Yesterday was the first time that I felt the burden of waiting for our kids. It was just a pit in the bottom of my stomach, but it was there and it was un-quietable. We are at the point in our process where we simply have to wait--wait for governments to do what they do, wait for our kids to be found, wait for them to be checked out (medically and orphan status), wait for money to be earned, set-aside, and raised.

Wait, wait, wait.

And usually I am quite okay with waiting. I don't mind being patient. I have a full life and kids and a husband and a house I can barely keep clean and school and writing.

But yesterday, for the first time, life just felt a bit emptier without them. And I don't even know who they are yet.

I am not despairing. I am just putting words to my feelings.

The feelings I naturally have toward getting these kids home have been intensified by the fact that today is Orphan Sunday. It's a day to remember and pray for the millions of children around the world without parents, homes, food, clothes, security. It's a day for Christians to stand up for the defenseless and love on the fatherless.

I spoke in front of my church today about Orphan Sunday--and I was a nervous wreck. How do I communicate the calling that God has given each of us to care for the orphan? How do I not make it about me or my family or any other family, but instead about these kids--who deserve love and homes? How do I honor God the most with my words?

Thinking about these things have kept me up at night. Let me tell you, there is very little that keeps me up at night. But orphans and their plight: well, they bother me. They bother my heart, they cause me to be uncomfortable, to itch for action, to do something. I want them to be loved, I want to love them.

But right now, I'm supposed to wait. And it makes me want to cry.

I think I'm supposed to raise awareness, to talk about uncomfortable things, to challenge people to take a step. I would much rather wrap my arms around a child and read them stories and play games and sing songs.

I want to wrap my arms around my kids. To bring them home.

But I will wait, knowing that until, and even after we bring them home, God has His great, big, all-encompassing arms around them. And me.

Quarter 1 Recap

So, we've finished 10 weeks of school and I thought that this would be a good time to recap the things that we've done, mostly so I can pat myself on the back and say "good job, me!" Because even though I love it, this homeschooling stuff is hard work: it gobbles up a fair bit of my time and energy, demands patience and love and a huge helping of the Holy Spirit, and my house is pretty much a disaster all of the time.

But I love it! Why? well because I get to study history and science and math and writing with my kids. I get to hear Katie getting a better grasp on reading and watch Josh understand the math concepts of carrying and borrowing. Josh & Katie have also started asking questions that have forced us to explore more deeply, try a bit harder. Why isn't there more about women in the Middle Ages? What is the code of chivalry?  Olivia is excited to learn her letters and is dying for the opportunity to read.

We have explored the crust of the earth with a pizza and started testing minerals. We have travelled with Richard the Lion-hearted, Joan of Arc, the Black Prince, Marco Polo, and St. Francis of Assissi. We have visited Scandinavia in the winter with the Tomten, sailed with the Vikings to Greenland and beyond, and marched across Europe through Asia minor for the glory of God. We've learned that sometimes priests are focused on things other than God, women had a strong presence in the Middle Ages (who do you think cared for farms when all the men went off to war), and becoming a knight was not easy. We've learned our Spanish vowels and pointed out many el camion and el autobus.

We' ve met the God of the Bible: Jehovah, El Elyon, El Kana, El Shaddai, and Elohim--and learned that he is a loving, Creator God who deserves and demands our full attention and lives. Before Him there can be no other.

In life, we've encountered some bumps, been bruised, but have used creative thinking to overcome. There are now chore charts and kid calendars and places where the kids learn from others than me. They've brought me to tears, I've made them cry. School at our house is life magnified by 1,000.

But we're looking forward: to the Renaissance, the Age of Discovery, The Reformation, Shakespeare. Minerals and Rocks. Addition, Subtraction, Multiplication, and Division. Spanish. And most importantly, Christ Incarnate: the Son of our Living God, come to earth as baby to live life and die for all our sins.

There is so much to be thankful for, so much more to learn.

And now, for your viewing pleasure: A smilebox album on our trip to the Renaissance fair in mid-September. We had a fantastic time and I hope to use much of what we saw to bring home the lessons we are learning in the weeks to come.

Enjoy!

This slideshow made with Smilebox