On Carts and Falling

Today was a difficult day for me, mostly in that it was a reminder how of precious my kids are to me. I am emotionally drained and exhausted, but felt that I should write this down before I forget the urgency of how I feel.

Today started great. After a disaster at the fabric store yesterday where J & K pulled the shopping cart over onto themselves as I was choosing patterns, I went back with just the girls. It was great, they were respectful and obedient and patient. 

Until, as we were leaving the store they both flipped out of the shopping cart and fell onto the backs of their heads (yeah, I know, I should be nominated for mother of the year!) After getting them calmed down, which took about 10 minutes, I thought things were going to be fine, but then OG starting to be really sleepy, wouldn't talk or make eye contact, wouldn't eat any lunch or notice the hub-bub around her, and kept complaining about her head hurting. When Eric put her in the car, within seconds, she was asleep. 

We decided to take her to the ER, becuase we are all too aware of how simple bumps can be much more life-threatening than first glance and becuase her behavior was very worrying. Even Eric was a bit scared. 

To make a long story short, she slept in the car all the way to the ER and perked up by the time she left triage. By the time that I got there after dropping K off at school, she was just peachy. (little turkey)

Honestly, I cried from the time I dropped K off at school until I reached OG's room. Its a horrible feeling, without control, full of fear, to think that great harm could have happened to your child. And to think that I was the responsible one, I still grimace at the thought. And I have complete trust in the plan God has for her and all my kids, I just don't know how I could continue to live a life if God felt it was time for one of the to go Home to him. And while these are uncomfortable and saddening things to think--they are real and honest and there are many parents who live in that reality. 

Now, I am grateful and thankful that it is just a minor head injury (but even that sounds horrible) and all we have to do is to try to keep her from hitting her head again for the next week or so (but even the doctor acknowledges that she is 2 and some doctor's orders are just hard to follow and we can't have her live in a bubble with a helmet). But I was reminded in a way that I never wanted about the fragility of my kids lives and how wonderful every single day that I get with each one of them is. 

I am thankful that God is both Jehovah Rapha (the God who heals) and Jehovah Jirah (The God who provides). He is the Great physician who kept my baby's head okay and will watch over her every moment. And he is the God who loves me in spite of my failings, too.